Officially Pregnant

Our infertility, miscarriage, IVF, and pregnancy journey x 2 (still waiting on pregnancy #2)

Take it Back

on February 4, 2014

I’m not a huge complainer but this whole infertility and miscarriage thing sucks balls.

I hate talking to my mother about it more than anyone.  While I can talk to others for some reason talking to my mother about it really grinds my gears, as Peter Griffin would say.

peter

She’s just so nosy asking a million questions about it and constantly trying to give those all too familiar words of wisdom.  You know them, “children or no children I still love you”, “The dr. is right, it’s more important you’re healthy after all that than pregnant”, “if it’s meant to be it will happen”,”God won’t give you more than you can handle”.  Really mom?!  Let me address these in the order said – screw you, nothing but being pregnant is important to me at the moment, say it will happen ONE more time and see what happens, and since when are you such a church-goer?  It just gets to me for no good reason especially when I know her intentions are sincere.  However, since telling other family members what has happened after asking her not to – I have lost so much trust.  So when she called today, I felt my frustration level skyrocket the minute she said, “So, I’m not trying to go there, but uh….what’s happening with…you know?”  UGH.  SERIOUSLY.  LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE ALREADY.  I was short, rude, and tuned out of the conversation almost immediately.  I hung up frustrated and angry.

Then something happened.  An email went out to the staff at the elementary school where I work.  A 1st grader’s father was killed in a one car accident.  A 7 year old little girl is now fatherless.  I drove past that accident on the way home.  A single car.  A heap of metal.  Police at each corner.  It broke my heart.

It made me think of this quote…

problems

…and I immediately let go of my frustration and temper at my mother, my job, my journey of TTC with infertility….everything.  Why?  Because there are far greater things that could happen in my life, different problems I could face that would make this appear to be so trivial.  Who am I to complain?  I’ve been on the grief and loss boards.  Losing two pregnancies at five weeks is nothing compared to what some of these women and their significant others have gone through.  While I wish women who have had no problem conceiving and delivering healthy babies would think of this – I also have to understand it applies to me too.  So tonight, I’ll be a little sweeter to the hubs and worry about others more than myself because I’d take my problems back in a heartbeat.

 

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