Officially Pregnant

Our infertility, miscarriage, IVF, and pregnancy journey x 2 (still waiting on pregnancy #2)

When Shit Got Real

on January 12, 2015

This is not one of those ultra sappy birth stories where there were rainbows and ponies and everything was picture perfect.  There were issues, disappointment, and other random things that made what I imagined one way turn out completely different.  In the end, none of it really matters and I’m just so happy that I have a beautiful baby boy that is healthy and happy….

Life got crazy. The last few weeks of pregnancy were horribly uncomfortable, I hadn’t slept through the night in weeks, my back was so sore and my doctor told me I had one of the worst cases of swelling she had seen. It was to the point that kneeling was painful because of all the fluid that was building up in my calves and knees. Plus, I was consumed with trying to get my long term sub prepared for my maternity leave. The weekend before Evan came I was running around town stocking up on all sort of nonsense so that when he came I wouldn’t have to worry. I’m glad I did…

I went to the doctor on Wednesday, at 38w5d and was horribly disappointed to hear her say I wasn’t dilated at all but 80% effaced.  She tried to help with the dilated part but I’m pretty sure she just poked a rib instead.  She estimated the bub to be between seven and eight pounds and said I could go the following day or another two weeks.  She didn’t seem to think it would be any time soon and mentioned being induced if I went over our due date by a week.  I was not pleased.  Life continued on as normal…

My last bump photo just six days out

My last bump photo just six days out

Saturday morning I woke up and peed like always but felt like I passed a huge clot. I panicked because that’s what you do when you’ve dealt with infertility.  No matter how far into this pregnancy got I still thought the worst at every turn.  Turns out it was my mucous plug.  I know this because apparently people take pictures of this shit.  Seriously, don’t google that shit.  Just…just don’t.  I didn’t feel any different and of course consulted Dr. Google.  There are only so many ways you can search, “mucous plug 39 weeks 80% effaced”.  Turns out being effaced means nothing and neither does losing your mucous plug.  So the day went on as normal.  I went to bed around ten.  The hubs came to bed around 11:30 because he stayed up watching football.  When he came to bed it woke me up and something was different.  Baby boards all said, “You’ll know what a contraction feels like when you have one”.  As much as I hated reading that because I wanted something definite to go by, they were right.  I immediately knew it was a contraction.  After laying in bed with the hubs for about half an hour he asked me to start tracking them so I pulled out phone my trusty phone, opened the app, and started tracking.  From the get go they were averaging a minute long and coming on every five minutes.  While waiting to hit the one our mark the hospital deemed necessary to come in I took a hot shower and helped the hubs pack the rest of the hospital bags.  By 1:00 a.m. we were on the road.  Of course we stopped to get a quick bite (at a gas station – don’t judge it was 1 a.m.) but all I wanted was a brownie.  Thus, I scarfed down the brownie in the car and we continued on our way….

We got to the hospital and made our way up to labor and delivery.  At this point I can still talk and walk through the contractions but occasionally had to stop and let them pass.  The biggest advice I read was to not fear the pain coming on because it made it worse, but to understand it would pass.  That helped when it got uncomfortable. Anywho, after the uber friendly (read: super bitchy) receptionist checked us in they took us to triage. The triage nurse was not impressed with my contractions along with my lack of dilation so she said they would probably send us home. Cue my freak out. If I was already 5-1-1 – how would I know when to come back? I seriously contemplated sleeping in the car instead of going home. She came back with the old good news, bad news game. Good news, they were going to admit us. Bad news, my blood pressure was so high they were going to induce me. I laughed it off because during most of my final prenatal visits my blood pressure was around 140 so I thought she was making something out of nothing.  Turns out my blood pressure was more like 180/100 so it was a little more serious than anticipated.  At this point, the hubs and I literally did not even mention the birth plan we wrote up and hid it away sheepishly, feeling stupid for even bringing one.  The hubs is in the medical field and he knows as well as I know that the only thing that mattered was getting Evan here safely.

The moved us into a labor and delivery room and I lied through my teeth.  The nurse (my least favorite of all of them) asked when the last time I ate had been.  I answered 6:30 the night before.  Hubs was not amused but didn’t say anything.  If you ask me a brownie at 1 a.m doesn’t count as eating.  While waiting for all the standard questions to finish up the realized they couldn’t get the computer working correctly and moved us to a room across the hall.  No worries.  Until I heard her.  Xena the Warrior Princess.  This woman is SCREAMING in pain.  The new nurse in our room joked that it was an intense session of crossfit and she was just pushing a tire around and not to pay attention to it, but sweet baby Jesus it was terrifying.  I swear to God my cervix was all like, “Nope, no way hell am I doing that”.  Turns out Xena made it to the hospital with 15 minutes to spare and went au naturale.  Poor thing.  Bless her heart.

The sweet nurses told me I was allowed to eat before being induced and let me pick what I wanted.  I chowed down a protein bar we had brought and some apples and peanut butter from the hospital.  I knew being induced could take forever so I wanted to make sure I ate.  Everything I read said make sure you eat before you go to the hospital because they won’t let you eat during labor.  Those apples were a bad choice…

About 7:30 a.m., after they strapped on the world’s most annoying blood pressure cuff, they came in and decided they were going to start with some simple manual dilatation using a Foley Bulb.  The resident warned me it would be uncomfortable which it was.  It wasn’t until my brain decided to freak the hell out and I had a crazy ass reaction (Vasovagal for you fancy types) that ended up in me puking up any and all food I had scarfed down just a half hour earlier…  They said it could take an hour or several for the bulb to dilate me to 4 cm and they’d be back to check later.  By 8:30 the bulb fell out and I was on my own.  The anesthesiologist came in at 9:30 and gave me my epidural.  It went pretty smoothly.  The next 12 hours moved beyond slow.  I wasn’t dilating at all and my contractions were all over the place.  They weren’t strong at all.  This would bite me in the ass later.  My epidural would wear off and I had what they called a “hot spot” where one area on my left hand side was more or less “resistant” to the drugs and burned like a mother.  My nurse for the majority of the day (who was awesome and also pregnant with her 3rd baby) was utterly confused as to how to dose the pitocin because when she gave me more my contractions were all over the place, but when she lowered it the contractions were at a better interval but not as strong.

Fast forward to around 8:00 p.m.  During pregnancy I could set my watch by Evan’s movements in the womb.  Every night at 8 he’d wake up and party hard.  Same went for labor.  By 8:30 I was about 7 cm.  Progress….finally!  I tried my best to get a little sleep during the next few hours knowing I would be exhausted during labor if I didn’t rest.  Turns out that didn’t matter.  The hubs was a life saver as you can only hit the green button every 15 minutes to upkeep the epidural and if I missed a dose I woke up pretty uncomfortable so he hit the button for me while I napped.  We joked about how easy labor was.  No real discomfort (unless we didn’t keep on the green button), just chilling in the bed waiting for delivery.  I told each nurse that came in that I wanted to have Evan before midnight so he’d have his own birthday as the following day was my mother-in-law’s birthday and I wanted him to have his own birthday.  Our last nurse laughed but understood.  She made no promises but said we’d try.  She popped in around 10:30 and did her routine check when she yelled, “Oh goodness!” at which point I wasn’t sure what to think, but apparently I was about 9 cm.  She promised to come back by 11:30 so we could see if we could start pushing.  11:30 would mark 24 hours of having contractions as well as being awake.  I was so tired.  When my epidural machine was out of the goods at 11:15 we hit the nurses button.  She came in and checked me first only to say she’d call it as “almost 10 cm” and that I wouldn’t be getting any more drugs.  I didn’t realize that your body had to come off them enough so that you could then better sense when to push which she said we’d start right then and there.

I was unprepared is an understatement.  No amount of labor and delivery class prepared me for what was coming.  Our nurse said she could see him crowning and to start pushing.  The first half hour I remember clearly.  I remember her telling someone to go ahead and call the doctor on call.  Not my normal OB.  Oh no, we got the Incredible Hulk of doctors.  He was tall in stature but ripped on top of that.  Not at all what I expected.  The first time I pushed and he pushed my legs back the only thing I could yell was, “I don’t think they’re supposed to bend that way!”.  Thank God he had a sense of humor, but maybe more importantly he talked to me about how good I was doing which was nice to hear when I felt like I wasn’t making any progress.  The hubs would have to remind me to relax between contractions and pushes and to slow down my breathing.  I started to panic and it didn’t help when the doctor mentioned that he was concerned about “maternal exhaustion” complicating the birth.  At this point we were reaching 26 hours and I was truly exhausted.  His other concern was my contractions which were causing so much of the problem from the start.  They never strengthened to the point where they were beneficial for me.  I was pushing purely on my own.  At that point, about 50 minutes in, he suggested something I dreaded and ultimately made me feel like an absolute failure, he asked if I wanted “help” in the form of a vacuum assist.  I didn’t.  I didn’t want it one bit, but…  But I felt like I couldn’t do it anymore.  Things were getting blurry, not quite a drunk feeling.  It’s hard to explain, but I remember looking at the hubs and crying and asking if it was okay with him. I just kept saying, “I don’t want to do this anymore” over and over.  I was spent.  The hubs said we had to do whatever it took and so I agreed.  The immense pressure the Hulk was putting on the top of my uterus put me so far over my pain tolerance that I didn’t feel the cutting, I didn’t feel Evan come out, I didn’t feel anything but the crazy amount of pressure on abdomen.  At 12:23 in the morning, just 24 minutes past when I wanted him to come into the world, Evan Patrick made his appearance and became the most important thing in my life in a matter of seconds.  He weighed 7 pounds, 8 ounces and was 21 1/4″ long.

Excuse the massive boobies...

Excuse the massive boobies…

When I say I don’t remember much it’s difficult to explain.  It wasn’t a drunk feeling, it was probably the most physically exhausted my body had ever been.  I remember them placing him on my chest at my request, but I don’t remember the first thing I said to him.  I remember at one point the doctor asking what I wanted and telling him I wanted a red icee.  He laughed and said there was a gas station nearby and he’d grab me one.  When he put on his coat at 1 a.m. I seriously thought he was leaving to get me a slushy.  The hubs pointed out that no he was not getting me my slushy, he was in fact gong home.  After probably 20 minutes I remember not being able to focus to the point where I was worried about holding him and asked the hubs to hold him for a little.  I was so disappointed in myself.  I couldn’t do anything on my own – I couldn’t deliver him without help, I couldn’t even hold him or remember my first words to him, he didn’t even feed within the first hour.  He had a serious cone head (that went away quickly) and an absolutely horrible, circular blister on his head from the vacuum.  This would make me feel like shit for quite some time.

In the end, none of it mattered.  I’d go through it all again if I had to in order to have the same results.  Evan’s here.  He’s healthy.  He’s happy.  He’s our whole world.

love welcome


11 responses to “When Shit Got Real

  1. wtfovaries says:

    I am a buckeye too! LOVE the buckeye baby hat – just in time for his first national championship game!!!!!

  2. wtfovaries says:

    And I am wildly behind – he has been here for a while! But still – go bucks!!!

  3. ksquared0710 says:

    He came home the day of the Michigan game. We call him our good luck charm!

  4. Melanie says:

    Hes beautiful! Congrats!

  5. Thanks for sharing! So happy he’s in your arms now 🙂 XOXO

    • ksquared0710 says:

      How’s your hubby and how are you coping? Hope everything is starting to turn around for you.

      • He’s improved a lot, dropped almost 50 lbs of fluid and they gave him a cpap machine for sleep apnea–his oxygen was dipping really low at night, but that’s fixed. Plus 2 heart medications and a low sodium diet + cardio exercise (cuz of course he only likes to lift, not cardio). He is taking it seriously & I believe he will do what he is supposed to do, and so will I. But I have a lot of plates if he needs a *reality check* 😉 All-in-all, we are lucky & optimistic. XOXO

      • ksquared0710 says:

        I’m so glad to hear that! Keep him in check. You guys have a lot on the line these days! Plates are replaceable. 😉

  6. ksquared0710 says:

    Thanks, ladies. He’s without a doubt the best thing that has ever happened to me.

  7. Im sorry your deliver and labor did not go like you would have liked. I really am. Yet i am happy you had him and both of you are happy and healthy.

  8. cardoor12 says:

    Wow, what a story! I had tears in ny eyes reading it. Welcome to the world little handsome man 🙂

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