Officially Pregnant

Our infertility, miscarriage, IVF, and pregnancy journey x 2 (still waiting on pregnancy #2)

You can’t make me

on February 6, 2015

While technically true I need to go back to work. I go back on the 17th barring any crazy snowmeggedon. He will be 12 weeks old (but not 3 months? Stupid Gregorian calendar). There is not a bone in my body that wants to though.

I want to stay home and watch Evan grow. I don’t want to miss our morning nap where he drools on me while I rub my lips and cheek against his peach fuzz hair and kiss his head repeatedly over the usual two hours. I don’t want to miss him smiling and cooing at me. I want to talk to him and tell him all those affirmations I whisper when I feed him. I want to watch him giggle when I undress him to change that most noxious diaper ever. I want to sing him dumb songs about monkeys jumping on a bed and read books about puppies and sports and family.

I hate my job. Love my career-hate my job. I’m only willing to stay so I can be with Evan on nights, weekends, holidays, and the summer. I want to work though so we can push to pay our loans off and have much more spending money to take Evan places and make sure his needs are taken care of. But I don’t want to leave him. I’m already planning my escape tactics from work so I can run home and scoop him up and love all over him.

He’s getting so big already. Literally. He’s 95% for height and weight at 25″ and 15 lbs. 10 oz. I’m so afraid I’ll miss so much. That he will miss me as much as I’ll miss him. I really don’t want to leave him….

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5 responses to “You can’t make me

  1. Omgosh he is a big handsome boy! I feel for you mama, it’s a hard decision. XOXO

  2. Elisha says:

    Oh bless your heart! I just can’t imagine!!! Sending you virtual hugs!! Xo

  3. makingababyv says:

    I’m going through the same thing. I go back to work on the 23, and even though I miss my 4th graders, I don’t want to miss anything with my baby.

  4. So adorable! I know exactly what you are going thru.. I have to go back to work on Monday and I don’t even want to think about it! Before him I was completely against being a stay-at-home mom and didn’t think I had the personality for it. But now that he’s here, I so want to be that mom. It’s sad we now have loans and such where we feel like we HAVE to work. I’m with you girl!

  5. Such a cutie pie! I can only imagine I will feel the exact same way. I’m planning on staying home for six months with the twins if we can swing it, and even that I’m sure will fly by. Xo

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