Officially Pregnant

Our infertility, miscarriage, IVF, and pregnancy journey x 2 (still waiting on pregnancy #2)

Forgot how much it stings….

on June 30, 2015

I posted a while back that the hubs and I were going to try again soon.  Lots of uncomfortable exams for me and another sample for him to learn that our chances had jumped from 1% to a whopping 3%.  Woo fuckin hoo.  I had one more exam I needed to do after my next cycle started in order to get the ball rolling and get our transfer done the week of August 12th so I waited for shark week.  Nothing…being a week late and pissed off I relied on Murphey’s Law.  I bought a pregnancy test knowing it would come back negative and my body would finally relax enough for the next cycle to begin.  Except it wasn’t negative and neither were the other 6 I took.  I’m talking “fuck yes that’s a dark line” positive.  We did it!  All by ourselves!!  We were the lucky 3%.  I called my OB to see if she could get me blood work, but the nurse just wanted to schedule me for the 7 week appointment.  So I called the trusty clinic to get beta drawn.  I couldn’t get results til the next morning, but fuck it….I needed to know.  In the meantime, Evan and I celebrated and got a cake to surprise the hubs with.  There was no way I couldn’t tell him and for some reason I felt so comfortable with just the tests.  The next morning the nurse called with the results and I was sitting pretty at 83.  Repeat blood work on Monday.  Feeling good…feeling positive.  I went in early knowing I would get my results the same day.  Turns out NO ONE CALLED ME.  I was furious.  That’s not even a strong enough word for the frustration and anger I felt.  So I called this morning.  66.  We’re 1 for 5 in pregnancies.  We’ve lost another one.  Fade to a flood of emotions I wasn’t prepared for.  I had spent all weekend dreaming up the next nine months.  Telling our friends who are pregnant that we were expecting too.  I wasn’t ready for bad news and it hit me so much harder than I expected.  I cried, hugged Evan, and texted the hubs.  I’m only writing this because I need to get it out.  I don’t want to talk about it anymore.  I just want my numbers to get to zero so we can start this IVF bullshit all over again.  Sorry for the rant and the language.


14 responses to “Forgot how much it stings….

  1. Caroline says:

    Aww hun I am sorry!

  2. Sending so much love to you! I’m so sorry 😦

  3. I’m so sorry – it’s so disappointing when this happens. Hope your numbers go down quickly x

  4. AndiePants says:

  5. makingababyv says:

    I’m so sorry. Thinking of you.

  6. I’m sorry you’ve had another loss. 😘😥

  7. akw62307 says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. 😦

  8. Oh hon, I am so sorry. If you need to talk feel free to message me

  9. Oh no…I’m so, so sorry. Sending you big love and hugs and so much strength. ❤

  10. Oh my gosh… I am so sorry. I was just thinking about you a few days ago and was going to send you an email. Hugs!

  11. oc15 says:

    I’m so sad to be reading this. I’m so sorry.

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