Officially Pregnant

Our infertility, miscarriage, IVF, and pregnancy journey x 2 (still waiting on pregnancy #2)

Update

Quick as I can be as I have to make dinner for me and the little guy before he loses his shit. 

Went Thursday for my last check in before our iui Sunday morning (how fitting it’s on Valentine’s Day!).  E2 was 571 and I have 3 targets this go round. Picked up the Prometrium just a little bit ago and trigger tonight at 9. 
Looking forward to this one knowing it’s timed better, I’ve got progesterone support, and it will be the morning after our couples massage and our first night with Evan staying overnight at his grandparents. 

Remind me later and I’ll update about the vitamins I started this month to help increase my progesterone and the crazy awesome results I’ve had. 

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When you can’t figure out your calling

I feel like I can’t figure out this nagging calling I have. I have so many passions but none that I feel like I could be successful in. 

I love to write – My mom always told me I should write children’s books. 

I love photography and learning how to take pictures that are meaningful. 

I love working with kiddos – my dad always told me I should be a superintendent but there’s not a bone in my body that wants to tackle what they tackle. 

I love planning events – I’ve got a wedding, parties, and fundraisers under my belt and actually tried to become an event planner when we lived in Florida. 
But I’m stuck. I don’t know what to do. I need to find out what it is. I need to make the adjustments before Evan is bigger and things are more difficult. 

How do you figure it out? What do you do when you feel like you’re stuck in a sea of self doubt and confusion? I hoping for a sign and soon…

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Cost Effective? 

I’ve lost track of what cd I am because mommy brain can do that to you. 

I did however have to refill my meds today. The diary 6 days of Menopur were given to me by the clinic. The 10 I picked up today cost almost $500. Plus the $400 for the Gonal-f and I’m at $900 this pickup. Plus the $400 I spent for the earlier meds and were $1,300 deep this round not including the possible progesterone supplements he may put me on. So the $1,400 payment to the credit card I made this month did noting but bring us back to zero. 

So the newest question becomes do we keep shelling out $1,400 a month and hope it works or save up for a little and try IVF one more time? Another round would be about $9,000 (probably a little less because the new clinic is slightly cheaper) or about 6 iui rounds. 

I’m not usual the pessimist in our relationship, but my cd6 scan was pretty weak and I’m already thinking this is a bust. 

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Have you read this yet?

Because if you’ve had a miscarriage you should….just saying. The link is in the picture. 

 

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The Newest Game Plan

Cd5 and I’m grateful for one of the three dedicated nurses my dr has. I called on cd2 to ask some questions and got Nurse N. She told me they know I ovulated because of the trigger and getting my period even though I’ve read differently. She wasn’t a ton of help, but kind. Point for her. But Nurse C….I’ve adored her since we met. She called me after my cd3 ultrasound (the one where I found out I have a small cyst on each ovary) to tell me they hadn’t forgot about me, but that she wasn’t happy with my past two cycles and wanted the dr to look at my chart to see if we should make adjustments and she wanted me to sneak in the office as soon as I could.  When I showed up she gave me some donated menopur and told me she talked to him and he agreed. So there we have it, friends. 125 gonal-f and a vial of that bitch we all know as Menopur until at least Tuesday night before I go back. Til then here’s a picture of my stinking adorable baby boy who recently learned how to walk without his momma. 

  

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What to do…

Cd2 and I can’t seem to stick to my word. I told the hubs that if this cycle was a bust we’d wait it out til summer break. When I called today to talk to a nurse I ended up even more confused. She said they know I ovulated because of the trigger and my period, but my progesterone was only two. She said likely they would put me on Prometrium from the day of iui on if we did another cycle. If we do one more month I’d have to go in tomorrow morning for a baseline and drive back in the afternoon to pick up my meds so we could start all over again. 

I don’t know. I said we were done until summer. That my schedule doesn’t allow it, but here I was at my work computer scrutinizing my schedule to see if I could make it fit. 

If the third time was a charm the due date would be my birthday and it would be 3 weeks shy of Evan’s 2nd birthday. 

Knowing I’ve given up on signs tells me all those twos don’t mean a thing. 

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Now what?

I’m so fucking lost I don’t even know where to begin.

This cycle everything was looking world’s better.  My e2 levels were way higher than last time, I had two great looking follicles, iui day was seemless.

Today – found out my cd21 levels for progesterone was 2.  Fucking 2.

This is the message I got from the nurse today:

HI K — YOUR PROGESTERONE CAME BACK AT 2.0 . THIS IS AN ANOVULATORY RESULT AS RESULTS ABOVE 3 ARE CONSIDERED OVULATORY. YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO CHECK A HOME PREGNANCY TEST ON JANUARY 31st. WE HAVE SEEN VERY LOW PROGESTERONES COME BACK WITH POSITIVE TESTS, SO IF IT IS POSITIVE WE WILL SEND YOU FOR BLOOD WORK THE SAME DAY. WE’LL WANT TO RECHECK A PROGESTERONE WITH YOUR BLOOD PREGNANCY TEST TO MAKE SURE IT IS INCREASING. IF YOU ARE NOT PREGNANT AND YOUR CYCLE STARTS, CALL US ON DAY 1. DR. S. MAY WANT TO ADD IN A PROGESTERONE SUPPLEMENT IF YOU ARE NOT PREGNANT.

Seriously?  The false hope?  Thanks, but no thanks.  I think what grinds my gears the most is the lack of communication or I guess I should say discussion.  They give you all this information and it’s never discussed.  No, “hey, we should probably figure out why you’re not ovulating and fix that” just, “call us and we’ll start this all over again and maybe slap a band-aid on a problem”.

So now what?  I already said we’d have to take a break until summer.  My boss, whose first marriage was torpedoed by infertility and has no children herself, gets it.  She’s super understanding, but I feel like I’m treading on thin ice sometimes with this being a new position.  Plus with the ridiculous hours the clinic has there is no way I can do anything during the month of April or May because of the crazy work schedule I’ll have.

Do I call a knee and ask for a consult?  Make a game plan?  Ask for more testing to be done?  When I look at the symptoms of estrogen dominance I feel like it’s me, but I’m pretty sure our old clinic tested for that and there was nothing abnormal to be found.

I go to my normal obgyn in February so should I be asking her to help since there would be a better chance of some sort of coverage?

Why do I have a great lining, decent e2, the right size follies, low progesterone, and normal cycles? Infertility Gods, I’m talking to you.

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IUI 2

This morning the hubs did his thing, we went for breakfast while we waited, and then headed back to the clinic. The dr who actually did the iui is the one I can’t stand. She’s super cold and bitchy. Even the hubs agreed. Our count was 8.8 mil post wash so almost a million better than last time. I’ll take it. We hung out for our 5 minute wait and then headed our separate ways. 
On the car ride home I heard the lucky song (Best Day of My Life) I heard the day we did our transfer for Evan so I’m taking it as a good sign. 
I don’t have to be to work til 11 so I’m cuddled up on the couch with my warmest blanket, big bear slippers, feet up, Chunk photobombing, 48 hours I’d on tv, and the fire place roaring.   
  
   

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The real reason I started a new blog

My parents moved up to Florida to be near the hubs and I when we decided to move back to Ohio. My parents were pretty fantastic once they realized having a child wasn’t going to be and just how hard it was on the hubs and I. My mom has watched Evan since I went back to work. She has him Monday-Friday and summers off. We pay her each month. Evan loves it and I love it even more. She gets to play with her grand baby all day, we save money, and it’s super convenient because her house is literally smack dab between my house and one building I work at and again, literally, across the street from the other building. I can stop by on lunch and hang out with them. She can drive him home if the hubs has the car seat….I could keep going on forever about this awesomeness. Unfortunately, when my parents moved up here they didn’t take into account the havoc it would cause to their finances. Between taxes, insurance, and debt they have they can’t afford to live here much longer. They plan on moving back to Florida by May of 2017. I’m heartbroken. I feel incredibly guilty and horrible that they are in the position they are. I’ve always been very independent of my parents but having them there to be with Evan has been amazing. I hate to see them go and as much as I’d like to go back to Florida it’s just not in the cards for us. 

So….That give me a year and a few months to figure out how to find a way to be a SAHM and make a decent income at the same time. As most IF women know there is a heavy financial burden that comes with treatments and our last unsuccessful IVF attempt left us with more credit debt than we’d like. Plus the hubs and I have 100k in student loans between us. So I started a blog in the hopes I can secure enough followers and visitors that I can land some affiliate relationships while I can build up doing photography. Who knows….I’m lost. I’m sad.  I’m scrambling.  I’m a whole lot of things at the moment….

Here’s some pics of my cutie and our pups to offset my crazy sadness. 

P.S. IUI #2 is going down tomorrow. Could use some good mojo! 

   
   
  

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A Better Set Up

I had to brave a minor snow squall this morning to make it to my appointment for my estridol check and follicle scan.  We’re midway through IUI #2.  We’ve been instructed to trigger tonight with the additional instruction to you know….do it.  This cycle the only change made was upping the Gonal-F by 50 iu and it’s seemingly making all the difference. 

I’ve mentioned before how I really like the level of communication this new clinic has with us.  After each visit I check my portal and find all my labs, follicle notes, and instructions and appointments to follow. So today I decided to compare the last cycle to this cycle and was really surprised. Here’s the numbers I have from the same time period during each cycle. 

             Last cycle                       This cycle

Day 8 E2      70.6                               141.2

Day 8 Follies 1×11                       1×10 & 1×12

Day 13 E2.    128                                  470

Day 12 Follies 1×18                 1×17 & 1×18

I feel like while I’m much more exhausted this go around I’m also much more optimistic.  We go in Thursday for our IUI and then a progesterone check a week later. There’s another booster this time but I don’t plan on testing because I know now how long it will take to get it out of my system. Here’s to a great week of good things. 

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